The Fart Heard Around The World

     Many of you may not know that I used to be a truck driver. Tis true. I was a dirty trucker for a short while. I went to a school in Arkansas to get my Class A CDL and made some great friends along the way. I ended up driving for a shitty company for shitty pay, but that's a different story for a different time. During my time as a driver, I had many adventures and from those adventures came several great stories. This is just one of many.

   

Learning to drive at C1 Truck Driver Training in N. Little Rock, AR

     On this particular trip I got laid over in Joplin, MO. More specifically, at the Pilot truck stop in Joplin, which has a Denny's attached to it. Sweet! I'm gonna get my breakfast on! I went in to the Denny's and the hostess asked me, "Smoking or Non?". At the time I was a smoker and being as you can't smoke anywhere in doors anymore, I was excited as all hell. So, I decide to go get my laptop out of the truck and hang out in the AC and smoke cigs whilst eating bacon and surfing the interwebs. I had been in there for a couple of hours and seen many patrons come and go. It was getting a bit busy seeing as it was getting close to supper time and there was the usual restaurant ambiance such as chatter, forks and knives hitting plates, slurps of the final drops of sodas and iced tea, etc. It was at this point when, for whatever reason, the whole place became completely quiet. In this moment it happened....someone ripped a 1,500 dB fart that shook the Denny's to it's very foundation. After a split second of "WTF just happened" silence, the entire restaurant erupted in third grade style laughter. This continued for a solid minute or so. Then, everyone went back to normal and continued their meals and never spoke of the incident again. To this day, I still have no idea who our flatulent hero is, but I would like to say "Thank you, you magnificent bastard." and shake his or her hand. In a moment of life's monotony, you gave us a reason to laugh together, even if that reason was what sounded like a mule farting through a bullhorn, we are forever grateful. You will live on in our hearts forever. 

Here's a gnarly picture of me when I was a truck driver

Thanks for reading and feel free to leave any feedback. Until next time...peace.

McCaskill

Colorado Tried To Kill Me One Time

One morning (probably more like early afternoon) my phone beeps, alerting me that I have a text message. I roll over and check my phone to see that my long time friend Chad has sent me a message, something to the effect of....

Chad: Hey bro, do you wanna go to a bitchin' tattoo convention in Colorado in September?
Me: HELLS TO THE YES I DO!
Chad: Sweet! It is on!

At this point, it has been over a year since I had been to a convention, so I am super stoked. For the next couple of months, the excitement builds and builds to the point where I feel like a 6 year old boy waiting for Christmas to get here already. Chad and Jeff are pumped for some awesome seminars at the con and I'm excited to get a new tattoo and see some incredible artists...Bob Tyrrell, Jeremy Miller, Tony Ciavarro, Nikko Hurtado and tons more. It's gonna be incredible!

Finally, the day has come,we are driving to the Nashville airport and the adventure has begun. On the way there I remember remarking about how cheap the plane tickets were. After getting to the gate and boarding the plane, I realized why that was. It was the tiniest plane ever. Who cares!? I'm just ready to be chilling in the mountains surrounded by my tattooed brethren. After a short flight, we land in Denver and rent a car (which was a bunch of horseshit in itself) to drive to Keystone, which is about an hour and a half away.

WE MADE IT!!!!! We get checked in to our ballin' ass condo and we are ready to straight chill.

                                                                             This is the resort we stayed at

This was our house for the weekend

The convention didn't start 'til the next day, so we got some booze and relaxed that night. We got up on Friday and got some food and headed to the venue. The place was huge and there was tons of stuff to see, so we walked around and checked everything out. Now it was time for new ink. WOOT! Chad got set up and we started on it mid afternoon...four and a half-ish hours later...

                                                   Bill and Ted phone booth by Chad Newsom                        

So, that night I was super tired and dragging ass and the altitude was taking effect on my fatness. I made a valiant effort to party, but I just couldn't do it. I headed back to the condo and went to sleep. The next morning, I woke up feeling like I had a cold, maybe even the flu. Not good times. So, I decided to stay in and take some medicine. Surely it will pass and I can enjoy this weekend, right? WRONG! I felt worse by the hour. I was feverish and my chest was congested and I felt all around weak...this sucks! I couldn't sleep more than two hours at a time and I was all out of sorts. That night, I actually felt a little better and there was a glimmer of hope for Sunday....negative. I woke up Sunday in a panic because I could hardly breathe and I was sweating profusely. I caught my breath after what seemed like an eternity and tried gathering my thoughts. I thought maybe a shower would make me feel better. Boy, was I wrong. I got dizzy and almost passed out in the shower, so I decided I needed medical attention. I texted Chad and Jeff and let them know shit was serious and waited for a response before I called an ambulance. Well, Rogina and Nancy were right downstairs and came to the rescue. They called the medical staff at the resort and they rushed over. After realizing my blood oxygen level was at 60%, they told me to get to the hospital. Once we got there, they took me right back to a room. I was then diagnosed with High Altitude Pulmonary Edema. Scary stuff. Look it up. Anyway, they put me on high flow oxygen for several hours and told me to get back to Denver ASAP, as the altitude is much lower there. I was sent on my way with oxygen tanks, looking like a 93 year old emphysema patient. It was a total bummer.

                                                                                       This was me on Friday                       

                                                                                         This was me on Sunday

So, what started as an adventure to Colorado, ended in a near death experience and a hefty emergency room bill. It is, however, the reason I quit smoking, so there is a silver lining.

I didn't think I would kick off this blog with a serious story, but that's how it worked out I guess. Feel free to ask any questions in the comments section and I will gladly answer. Until next time...CHEERS!

                                                                    After my 5+ hour stay in the emergency room

Hi, my name is McCaskill and this is my new blog. I will tell fun stories and everyday happenings in my life. It will be fun. I promise! Also, there will be cookies.


                                            AWESOMENESS COMING SOON!!!

In the mean time, here's a picture of this dude...